Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize