I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
