I want to make a zoo with you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
