Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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