He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
