At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just invented taco cereal.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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