he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
