I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
