3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
