Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize