I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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