So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
