Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
