And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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