went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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