I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
