i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
