Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
