Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
