32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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