I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
