First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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