im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
