I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
