Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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