evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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