Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
