my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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