I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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