fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
