So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
