How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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