Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
