Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize