Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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