Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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