pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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