I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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