It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wow bdsm is so cute
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