my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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