My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize