Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
