Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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