This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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