I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
