Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
