I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
