i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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