the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
