Me too!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
