Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
