OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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