watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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