he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize