Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
