Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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