I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
