You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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