Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
