So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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