I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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