even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
