THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
