Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
