We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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