Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
