Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
