who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
