In the future we'll all be gay
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
