My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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