It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
