My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
