There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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