i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize