I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
