I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
