I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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